dear me,

why do you think about the moments
that would succeed your departure?

why do you feel more clarity
than you've have never felt after birth
in the beautiful peace that succeeds death?


you will not be freed from the voices, 
from the pain, 
from yourself

you'll get trapped, 
as always, 
in the bud of time

truth is,
you can be struggling
and still be loved.

you do not have to solve 
the arithmetic of your whole life

you'll wear out
try these rather:

you just have to ask
the reason why,
sulk, sigh and cry
show up tomorrow and try


and when dawn dawns
focus on the most immediate thing
in front of you: hope

you’ll figure out the rest along the way
you'll understand the reason for this delay

you will find joy

don't die